The Goddess pays a visit
by the crazy ladies
Summary: The fighting just has to stop, and Hypatia, Goddess of the Sexually Frustrated, has a plan. Contains AngelSpike Slash and Language.
1. Chapter One

Title: Goddess of the Sexually Frustrated

Author: ME! Kk (kk_d_1@hotmail.com)

Rating: PG13

Disclaimer: Not mine, though I must be truthful that I do borrow Angel and Spike on occasion.

Distribution: Ask and I'll think about it. Just please tell me where!

Dedication: To Elspeth, I read this to her in the bare beginnings and she laughed and told me to put the damned thing up.

Warning: As previously mentioned... SLASH!! and a little bit of language. As for Spoilers, there aren't really any, just that Spike also has a soul, is living with Angel in LA **BUT** there is NO CONNOR.

Authors Note: This is very strange, I had lots of fun writing it, but it is strange.

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"SODDIN' PILLOCK" Spike is screaming by this time

"PATHETIC CHILDE! I WAS DRUNK OFF MY FACE WHEN I TURNED YOU!!" Angel is bringing up the painful stuff.

"This coming from the Poof who, as soon as he got any, decided to end the world with Acathla." 

Both Vampires are in game face, growling and circling each other. 

Then Spike shakes his head and turns to leave, disgusted.

Suddenly a figure appeared "STOP!!" Spike did a fast about face. The shining light that had heralded the figure's arrival was slowly dissipating to leave behind a tall pretty woman dressed in a very fitted toga.

"Gods! The sexual tension between you two is palpable, and I'm sick of it."

"Who the Hell are you?" Spike asked, the figure simply smiled.

"Oh no! Hell is Hades' domain... though he says 'Hello' to you both. I'm Hypatia, Goddess of the Sexually Frustrated and Lesser Goddess of Love and War. I'm here for all of those really. My followers are all to many, I'm having no time for myself and am beginning to have to be my own goddess, which is just not on! With all the nerds (who can't get a date); 30 year old virgins; 38 year old women whose body clocks are ticking; 45 year old single men having midlife crisis'; those the cockteasers tease and of course those who are 'saving themselves'. I'm truly sick of the number of people who are sexually frustrated." The Goddess was in full rant mode.

"YOU" points at Spike "used to be a constant source of entertainment, one peep in at you and my own needs were met for the month, so passionate, loving with all your being. And you were under my jurisdiction, Aphrodite, when she found out that I was getting the Lesser Goddess hood of love relegated me to vampires, as most vampires don't love. But I watched and waited; and I got lucky with you and your sire, and don't try and tell me that Drusilla was your sire, that make work on those stuffy idiots at the council; but I was watching closely and it was Angelus who gave you his blood; and Angel seriously 'I was drunk'??? You weren't, you were besotted; your demon was, and when you got your soul it was too." Angel idly wondered as he listened exactly how long this Goddess had been holding all this in. 

"And Angel, I'm sick of being your Goddess in the sexual frustration sector; please please just admit to yourself how you feel about Spike, Yes he can be annoying; Yes he is hyper as all hell, but he is sweet, loving, fun and sexy to boot; And Spike, I know you feel he abandoned you, he felt that you would be ashamed of him, so he hid; he even followed you around at times; Yes he's a broody bugger, but you temper that. He wants you, he has a hell of a lot of sexual needs to full; he's been celibate since you except for Buffy, and there was the five centuries in hell since then." Spike is gaping at this insane chit. 

"And truly you boys are way to gorgeous to be single; I have an alert up at Olympus to tell me when it's shower time for either of you. That at least keeps me off my own list for a week or two. You two belong together. Your next best matches are: Angel yours is Willow or Cordelia and Spike yours is Buffy or Willow. But truly you are matched best with each other. So what do you think?"

Spike and Angel are staring shockedly at the woman.

"What about the Powers that Be?" Angel tentatively asked. The Goddess laughed "My sisters the Fates? I made a deal with them. I found them a good looking, talented, virile vampire consort each, and the three of them agreed to my taking out that pesky happiness clause as well as giving Blondie here a chance and redemption too, payable at the same time as yours Angelcakes." Angel's knees had collapsed at the mention of the removal of the happiness clause. Spike sighed "As soon as Peaches here can shag, he'll be back with Buf.. I mean the Slayer" Hypatia gave Spike a look "Spike you have your soul... right?" Spike nodded "No happiness clause" Spike nodded again "So why aren't you with Buffy?" Spike ducked his head and refused to look at Angel, The Goddess then turned her piercing look to Angel. "Angel look into your heart, how do you feel about Buffy, Truth, I'll know if it's not the truth." 

Angel thought for a moment "Buffy? I love her, but I'm not in love with her, haven't been for a long time, it hurts to see her because I wish we could have worked, not because I want to try again." Spike is gaping while Hypatia is grinning. 

"Now Spike, shall you tell Angel how you feel or shall I?" Spike nodded to the Goddess to tell "Well Angel, Spike doesn't hate you, though he has tried, very hard, but he never hated you. Those are the revelations for today, I'll be heading back to Olympus, I'll give you boys 20 minutes in private to discuss... that means talk, I'll check in after exactly twenty minutes to anchor the soul and to hear your decision. Good Luck and you know that I'll be watching out for you both." And with that the Goddess Hypatia disappeared in a plume of pink scented smoke.

"Well Peaches, what do you think? The bird was a little strange, but she was right on the money about everything, or at least everything about me" Spike was looking hopefully at his sire, Angel is brooding. "Spike, why would you want someone like me? You could have anyone you want; You shouldn't have to be tied to a broody, poor excuse for a vampire fighting for redemption." Spike swore under his non-existent breath "Angel, you bloody poof, do you have to be so noble and long suffering all the time? If I didn't want you then I would have left as soon as the Goddess chit had gone. What she didn't say, because really I'm the only one who should, is that I love you Angel."  


Angel's eyes opened wide "Spike I always thought you hated me because of the soul." "Angel you idiot, for one, you aren't the only vampire that's soul having now-a-days, for another I was only angry because you left, Angel, Angelus, I love you either way for different things; Whoever you are, you are still my sire, the person I gave my humanity up for, the one I became a killer for, the one who, even though absent, inspired me to become Slayer of Slayer for. You are my everything and I would give up anything and everything for you and Oh Fuck now I'm acting like a soddin' wanker" Angel took Spike's face in his hands "Will... I mean Spike, I love you too, the Goddess was right, both my demon and my soul are besotted with you, I'm so sorry I abandoned you; I feared that you would reject me as Darla did and I just couldn't have taken rejection from you." Spike sighed in relief, tears sparkling unnoticed in his eyes "I thought that you regretted turning me" "No! Never! I felt guilty for stripping you of your soul and humanity, because I didn't regret it at all, you are the only thing I did as a demon that the soul doesn't regret, and because of that I felt guilty." Spike's tears are falling for real now. "I'm sorry for using you to bring Drusilla back to strength" "And I'm sorry for the things my demon did after Buffy and I, well... you know" and so the apologies began.

~10 Minutes later~

Tentatively Spike's hand takes a gentle hold of Angel's cheek, Angel does the same; they are the mirror image of each other, sort of, more like 'Through a Glass Darkly'. Faces inching closer till only a breath separates them, but neither need to breathe; both take the last step simultaneously, lips pressing together; a soft, light kiss, exploring and re-aquatinting themselves with each other. Spike's hand playing with the hairs at the nape of his Sire's neck. Angel's hand entangling in Spike's hair. Mouths open, tongues making the first contact in over a century. Tongues caressing each other and then taking turns in exploring. Bodies pressing firmly against each other. Both pulling apart at the same moment; panting for unneeded air. They both begin sniffing and then turning to the couch where a very flushed Goddess is watching them with wide eyes.

"Don't cha know that it's considered polite to knock" The Goddess laughed "Now the tables are turned" At their confused looks "to quote Xander" at this her voice deepened and perfectly mimicked Xander's "'God can we make them wear bells or something, make some noise when you move'" The vampires grinned at each other, Xander baiting is a favorite activity for both.

"So I'm guessing you boys liked my suggestion, well Angel, come here, I've got to anchor that soul of yours, just to warn you, I'm merging Demon and Soul, is that alright?" Angel thought for a moment and then nodded. Hypatia placed her hand over Angel's silent heart and light began to gather around both Angel's chest and the Goddess' hand. "One permanent soul done." with that she gave a soft kiss to Angel's cheek, whispering "No more Angelus in the back of your head, no more fears of being too happy, Remember that and be happy! or else!" a giggle from the Goddess before she made her way over to Spike 

"And I take it you'll be joining the Redemption wagon?" At Spike's nod the Goddess shut her eyes and nodded. A trio of ages voices sounding with a loud "DONE" The Goddess kissing Spike on the cheek and whispering "Have fun, be Happy and make sure the beefcake over there does the same." Spike nodded again.

Hypatia moved to the middle of the room and saying loud enough for both to hear "Best of Luck, Best Wishes and Remember, I'm watching out for and over the both of you." She then waved and dissolved in a cloud of pink scented smoke.

Spike is already dragging Angel to the bedroom "Let's go test the permanence of that soul of yours."

And they did, and it was; so they tested it a second time to be sure; and a third, because it was fun.

TBC

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Authors Note: This will be updated every now and again when I feel hyperactive and feel like writing this.

Also the comment at the end is similar to one I read in a Willow/Angel fic a little while ago.


	2. Interlude

Title: Goddess of the Sexually Frustrated

Author: ME! Kk (kk_d_1@hotmail.com)

Rating: PG13

Disclaimer: I'm kidnapping Spike and angel until Joss capitulates to my demands, ownership of the two till the end of time. And the song is Morcheeba's Blindfold, also not mine. 

Distribution: Ask and I'll think about it. Just please tell me where!

Dedication: To Elspeth, I read this to her in the bare beginnings and she laughed and told me to put the damned thing up.

Warning: As previously mentioned... SLASH!! and a little bit of language.

Authors Note: I was listening to this song, felt inspired, so here it is.

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Spike is playing something on the sound system that isn't his usual fair. The song is Morcheeba Blindfold, and Spike has to have played it often because he is singing along, he knows all the words.

_Three months in here  
Can't catch the tears  
Time never lands  
Our love is all that stands now_

Angel has come into their room from his office, intrigued by this unusual music for Spike, calm and mellow.

  
_Streets feel strange  
And longer lives can never change  
I'm so glad to have you  
And it's getting worse  
I'm so mad to love you  
And you evil curse_

Spike turns and gives Angel a sardonic grin.

  
_I feel out of place  
Just look at my face  
Stuck in the mud  
Knee-deep in blood girl_

At that Angel grinned back, the Blood comment was appropriate for both of their pasts

  
_Eyes, blind fold  
You never said I'm growing old  
I'm so glad to have you  
And it's getting worse  
I'm so mad to love you  
And your evil curse_

Angel comes closer to Spike, pulling him close and kissing him passionately.

  
_I'm so glad to have you  
And it's getting worse  
I'm so mad to love you  
And your evil curse_

The song playing a background to this kiss without an end.

  
_Sample: My my my heart is still reliant/very light_

Hands exploring this familiar body pressed against their own.

  
_Tell them I've gone  
And nothing's wrong  
In from the past  
A sudden blast bang  
Spring has gone  
And summer keeps on coming on_

Cordelia walks in to talk to Angel, sees them kissing and smiles while shaking her head and shutting the door.  


_I'm so glad to have you  
And it's getting worse  
I'm so mad to love you  
And your evil curse  
I'm so glad to have you  
And I'm getting worse  
I'm so mad to love you  
And your evil curse_

Clothes being gently removed and dropped on the floor, eyes looking deep into the eyes of the other.

  
_I'm so glad to have you  
And I'm getting worse  
I'm so mad to love you  
And your evil curse  
I've a plan to save you from my misery  
I'm a man to brave to follow history_

They climb into bed, kiss still not broken, saving each other from misery.

TBC

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Authors Note: More will come eventually.


End file.
